Garden Humor

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Garden Humor

Q: What did Santa Claus say when walking in the garden? A: Hoe! Hoe! Hoe! Submitted by Alessandra Bollero from Palm Beach, Florida.

	Don't stand in that 'tator' patch naked... Don't you know those 'tators' got eyes!

Highly suggested for your garden
Plant 3 rows of peas:	Plant 4 rows of squash	Plant 4 rows of lettuce
Peace of mind Peace of heart Peace of soul	Squash gossip Squash indifference Squash grumbling Squash selfishness	Lettuce be faithful Lettuce be kind Lettuce be happy Lettuce love one another

No garden should be without turnips	We must have thyme
Turnip for service when needed Turnip to help one another Turnip the music and dance	Thyme for fun Thyme for rest Thyme for ourselves

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a > pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course , the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to
> leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them." "For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

God was over heard talking to St. Francis:
God: "Frank, you know all about gardens & nature. What in the world is going on down there with those humans? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles." St. Francis: "It's the tribe that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass." God: "Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?" St. Francis: "Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn." God: "The Suburbanites must be happy that the spring rains and cool weather make grass grow really fast." St. Francis: "Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week." God: "They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?" St. Francis: "Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up & put it in bags." God: "They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?" St. Francis: "No sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away." God: "Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?" St. Francis: "Yes, sir." God: "These Suburbanites must be relieved when we slow down the growth of plants. That surely saves them a lot of work." St. Francis: "You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it." God: "What nonsense! At least they kept the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural circle of life." St. Francis: "You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away." God: "No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?" St. Francis: "After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves." God: "And where do they get this mulch?" St. Francis: "They cut down trees and grind them up." God: "Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..." God: "Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."